I’m feeling guilty.

I’m supposed to be out doing things today but I’m overwhelmed. I need a quiet day. No driving, no people, no crowds or noise.
No small talk, no straining to hear what’s being said, no faking interest to be polite.

So I’m being a flake, again. I’m bailing on an activity that I actually enjoy because to do it around other people today would take the joy out of it and make it a chore.
I’m bailing on my oldest wee cousins birthday party because I’m not up to a gang of 8 year olds and the constant barrage of noise from the amusement arcade where the party is being held. Even though I love my wee cousin.

I don’t know which is worse, saying no at the beginning when people say “you never do anything!” or saying yes, hoping I’ll be able to reserve enough energy to do it, but then bailing out at the last minute because I don’t have it in me mentally/emotionally or physically.