I’m starting to feel split in half again.

I live in two different worlds now.
They are very different.
One uses all the skills I learned growing up.
One uses skills I wish I’d learned growing up.
One is so easy to move into that I’m actually a bit scared of how easy it is.
One is so difficult that I never actually succeed no matter how much I work at it.
One is “real life”.
One is like playing “pretend”.

I don’t imagine it takes any great thinking to figure out which is which.
But, just in case you haven’t been following along, it’s school that seems like it’s a pretend world and living in my truck that is real to me.

Which brings me to.. if I’ve been working my ass off my entire life just to have the chance at learning and “bettering” myself, why is it that I’ve never actually made it?
And if I can live just fine as I am now, then why keep putting so much effort and pain into trying to change it?

I think that we’ve all seen that very few people actually move up the socioeconomic scale anymore, no matter how hard they work.
We’ve all seen that the jobs aren’t there, no matter how well educated you are. In fact, being well-educated hurts many of us looking for jobs because employers don’t want to hire someone who is used to thinking (and because they know that as soon, if, the economy ever reboots those people will be gone; this is rather stupid imo as turnover is usually so high in low-end jobs that they should look for getting good work for as long as they can, not refuse good work because they know it will leave one day).
We all know that those of us who are “broken”, “disadvantaged”, “disabled”, or whatever other term you want to use are the first to be laid off, fired on some trumped charge, or just harassed into leaving a job.

I don’t have any children that rely on me, or anyone that I need to be an example for.
Why shouldn’t I live as I am?
Where I am right now there’s no one telling me that I’m wasting potential or telling me that I’m “doing it wrong” or telling me that I’m not trying hard enough or I just don’t want it bad enough, or.. so many of the cute little phrases people have thrown at me when I’m not succeeding like they think I should be.

Which world do I belong in?